To Mooncup or not to Mooncup?

2 years ago I was introduced to the Mooncup. Still to this day, we hold a solid Thelma & Louise type bond. Together we’re saving the world one drop at a time. Literally

    The information I am about to share is graphic and not for the faint hearted…or that of the male species.

“SHUT THE FRONT DOOR”. Were my exact words when I was first subjected to learning about the Mooncup. It was during a very heavy wine fueled girly discussion. Sharing our dirty little period secrets; one question being thrown around was “Have you ever forgot you had a tampon in, and then put another one in?” (I personally haven’t but many friends live to tell the tale of when they accidentally have). The rest of the conversation went something like this: 

Mooncup user: I don’t even use tampons or pads

Judgemental Keeo: Errrr….wait, what? Soooo. What the hell do you use then? [confused face]

Mooncup user: A mooncup [nonchalantly shrugs]

Judgemental Keeo: What in Barry’s name is a mooncup?

She then began to describe this alien-like silicone cup thing, that you jam up inside your vajay to catch womb crying blood.

My inner judgmental dialogue: Like some sort of rain meter?  [scrunches nose]

Mooncup user: You can leave it in for like 8 hours but then you need to pull it out, empty it and wash it

My inner judgmental dialogue: [gestures puking] EMPTY IT?! Like a half-filled dog bowl? Potentially spilling a cup of my own womb-wall juice everywhere??

 My feelings were that of watching the Red Wedding scene out of GOT. Utter shock and dismay.

Judgemental Keeo: “NAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH” [thinking this is totally outrageous and I will NEVER concede to trying it]

But as the old saying goes. Never judge a book by its cover. And I guess it sort of goes the same for the mooncup but in a more womanly, menstrually way….

My journey to the Moon….cup

I’ve always plugged myself with cotton. I’m not into that mini diaper wearing baby vibe. Purely because, since the first day I “became a woman” and ANN bought me a pad to wear to school the size of Kobe Bryant’s foot —which made me sound like a walking plastic bag—it put me off for life. So, pad. Binned. I made a conscious decision to give the Mooncup a jolly old go, thanks to my overzealous new found ‘save the planet’ attitude. Giving it the benefit of the doubt, despite my scepticism is the least I can do for our beautiful mother earth, my lady garden and my bank account. Firstly I weighed up the pros and cons of this contraption, on my bathroom mirror, with a marker, like any other normal person would…

Pros

  • Saves MEGA $$$$
  • Its GOOD for the environment (2,938 used tampons & applicators collected on our world beaches on a single day)
  • Last for years; only need to buy one
  • No running out or stock pilling various types and sizes
  • NO STRING (So I'll never have to hear these humiliating words ever again"Excuse me mam, your tampon string is stuck to your leg”while standing in line for a water slide
  • No harmful chemicals, toxins or dyes
  • Doesn’t leave you feeling like Gandhi’s flip-flop
  • Holds 3 x more than a tampon
  • Super comfortable and no leaks
  • No sleeve smuggling
  • Living in China it's impossible to find decent tampons

Cons

  • It's a bit weird and minging
  • Potentially spill blood everywhere on removal
  • Could be diffcult to put in and take out
  • At the end of a period it should be sterilised by boiling it
  • Could accidentally drop it down the toilet
  • Could be awkward if you're accidentally caught emptying a cup of your own womb lining in the loo and washing it in the sink
  • I read about women that keep their blood to fertilise the garden with.... (feral)

The bathroom mirror evidence speaks for itself, the pros significantly weigh out the cons. I came to the conclusion that the only way I could help save the planet from catastrophic downfall, was to shun the negative judgmental Keeo and give the Mooncup a whirl. So I took the plunge and purchased one. I bought mine from Taobao (for those living in China) but there is an official website where you can buy yours from

 www.Mooncup.co.uk 

Now, I’m not one to sugar coat things so I’m going to be completely transparent with the initial experience I had with my plastic pal. It took me more than a couple of attempts to get the bad boy in and out before I perfected a clockwork method. 

 

Putting it in takes some bending, squeezing and patience but once it’s in, you’re good to go. Taking it out on the other hand. Wow. Well, that’s another story. I was in the shower verging on tears; thinking ‘I am NEVER going to get this bloody plastic piece of shit out of me’. Tugging, grabbing, squishing, I was totally exasperated and freaking the f**k out (excuse my French). Finally, I pulled myself together, took a deep breath and went over the instruction manual again. ‘Small gentle pushes’ — it instructed. Immediately I recognised the flaw in my technique. I was pushing as if I was giving birth to a 10 pound baby and not only that I had accidentally cut the ‘stem’ FAR too short, which hindered the ability for me to actually grab it to pull it out. So some gentle pushes later, followed by an unattractive suction sound and VOILA, it was out. Breathing a sigh of relief I stood gazing at my little cup of womb lining—only for a split second—and thought ‘Ew‘, winced; then poured it down the drain.

 

It’s rather vile for me to admit that it was sort of fascinating to see how much blood actually comes out of you, (grateful that I don’t have a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina). Men think we’re melodramatic psychopaths when it’s the time of the month but I’m preeeety suuuure they’d be the epitome of pathetic if they bled from their precious jewels. Either way they truly don’t get the stress we go through, and now were shoving silicone cups inside ourselves…Jog on lads. [And at at that moment Keeo realised woman are and always will be superior to men]

 

To wrap it up, I HIGHLY recommend you at least try the Mooncup. I haven’t looked back since, and getting it in and out is now smooth sailing. Click here if you want a fanny friend for life and check out the video below for information